Sometimes it feels really lonely in the Mama Behr world. The messages I receive, especially from social media, is that “parents these days” are less than because our kids are not outdoors like we were as kids. However, in subsequent posts the same folks will complain if they see a group of kids in the alley ways. Another camp of adults will believe that our world is so dangerous that if you dare let your children play outside without a constant overseer, then the only logical next steps are to call Child Protective Services on you as clearly you are a terrible, unfit parent. Mixed messages are received on what it means to be a good parent and frankly, it is maddening.
My husband and I have considered ourselves “free range parents”, however studying this further (just like almost every word in our vernacular) it can mean many different things, to many different people. We defined “free range” as giving our children a longer leash to learn the natural consequences of life. We used the principals of “Love and Logic” https://www.loveandlogic.com/ as our guide and found it to be successful for us and our family. (Albeit NOT easy!) We have since realized that “free range” can be viewed as many things including the following:
- 1980’s style parents (check)
- Fewer rules than other families (check)
- Sometimes children without t-shirts or shoes on in the yard (check)
- Occasional chaos (check)
- Constant chaos with no rules (hard pass)
Now I realize how the term can have implications that I was completely unaware existed. When our son’s teacher came to eat dinner with us, she said she was surprised by the atmosphere at our house because we had explained that we were “free range parents”. I was surprised by that comment, (not in any way offended, just taken a little back.) We eat dinner at our dining room table every night. We each get a turn to tell the best and worst parts of our day with each other. We are rarely allowed to leave the table until we are all done eating and certainly until we are done speaking. We have great conversations with each other and often end the conversations with our youngest daughter’s fantastical stories of her day, (which often includes unicorns and rainbows, but were actually spent with her friends at daycare). I now realize that this term may have conjured visions of dirty kids running around with matches and sharp objects. Dirty kids – um, yep …. got ’em sometimes! Matches and sharp objects – sometimes, but please allow me to clarify. We let our kids explore things they are curious about. However, there are strict rules and expectations with these such as a match or lighter is something that is only used with a parent around. But I believe in teaching them the correct way to hold matches, how to light them, and all the rules around what can be set on fire and what can not, (i.e. a candle on the counter can be lit and a piece of paper can not.) You can have a pocket knife, but you have to learn how to handle it and to be incredibly careful with it. Of course, our son picked up his pocket knife and had a small cut within the first 30 seconds. That said, he learned a vital lesson. We saw this as a natural consequence. I understand this may be the most horrifying to some parents. And I have to be ok with that.
I want to say that I am terrified to post this to my blog. I am worried that I will be opening myself to harsh judgements on my parenting and my choices. But something in me needs to fight through the fear and be brave, (thanks Brene-you have inspired me like no other!) Please be kind in your comments. 🙂
THE ENDANGERED MAMA BEHR 